Love and Respect

Mark and I have been reading Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerich.  Interesting book.  If you're not familiar with it, it focuses primarily on the passage from Ephesians 5:33 which states: 

"However, each of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Those who know the Bible are familiar with this passage, especially if we are married.  But, have we fully digested what it truly means to "respect our husbands"?  For me, respecting Mark has not been difficult to do, so honestly, I have found myself only mildly embracing this 'instruction'.  But, the book points something out that struck me:  the fact that our husbands value respect not as much as they value love but as much as we women value love.  If they were given the option between receiving love or respect, they would choose respect.  To me, that is a foreign thought as a woman.  Love is so much more important to me.  

What has also become an interesting topic with some other ladies I know is the concept of 'unconditionally respecting' our husbands.  As we enter the marriage, I assume that we hope for and expect unconditional love, as Christ loves us...do we not?  To be loved despite our follies, our irritating habits, our past...etc.  Right?  Well, that's exactly what our men need from us with respect.  To respect them despite their mistakes, their choices, their behavior...etc.  This entire concept was brought up in my ladies' Bible study and I was sadly disappointed to discover that the other ladies did not view respect this way.  Their respect for their husbands is conditional and they seemed pretty firm in believing that was acceptable.  It made me so sad.  

Of course, respecting our husbands, unconditionally, is not an easy task at all times.  Yes, they will make poor choices, they will behave in ugly ways...we will not always like them. But, as Christ loves us despite all that we've done and continue to do, so are we to aspire to treat our husbands in the same light.  It is an act of obedience not of feeling, sometimes. The scripture does not say "love your wife as you love yourself when it is easy to do and the wife must respect her husband only when he deserves it".   And, Christ does not love us only when we are perfectly following Him, nor does He call us to love others and treat others kindly only when they deserve it.  He instructs us to love our enemies, to love the unlovable...all the more, we should be loving and respecting our husbands, should we not?  The point of all this is not to say that it is easy.  No.  Of course it isn't.  If it was easy to do then the Lord wouldn't have to make such pointed instructions for us, now would He?  These things are difficult sometimes, yes.  And, no, we cannot always do it on our own.  One girl in my study said that if her husband cheated on her, she would not be able to handle it and she would leave without looking back, knowing that is against what the Lord asks of us.  Of course, I believe that is what we would all initially feel.  Of course, we would not be able to handle it.  But I have been embracing, more and more lately, the awesome power of our God.  In saying that 'we cannot handle it and we would just give up', we are limiting His power.  No, we cannot handle it, but HE surely can.  And, when we rely on Him, He works the impossible.  Dealing with infidelity is not something that I am familiar with in the least bit and I cannot say that I know how I would respond to it.  But, in knowing what I know now and seeing the testimonies of the Lord's work around me and in other seemingly impossible marriages, I know the restorative power of Jesus and that He can work the impossible when we let Him. So, in that light, shouldn't we respect our husbands unconditionally, with the same reliance on our Heavenly Father?  It's an act of obedience and obedience does not always feel "fun" or easy.

So, what does unconditionally respecting our husbands actually look like?  Well, this is something I'm still learning.  And, it is hard to think about.  I'm trying to come up with something terribly disrespectful that Mark or any husband could do...and then ask myself how I would respond and how could I respect that.  With my flesh?...no, that's impossible.  Let's see...let's say my or your husband chose to do something very dishonest.  Are we supposed to respect that action?  No, I don't think that's what it's saying.  I believe it's like the call to love.  You know how you've heard the saying "love the person, hate their sin"?  I think that's how it's supposed to be in respecting our men.  Respect him for who he is and who you married. Right?  Does this make sense?

I started reading this Love and Respect book with admitted cynicism.  But, obviously, I am gaining much more out of it now, than I thought I would.  I guess bringing it up as a discussion topic with other women started to give me insight to the truth of it and how we, Christian wives, need to freshen up on the instructions the Lord has given us.  I desire a fabulous marriage...and I, honestly, believe that I do have one.  But, I want more!  We need to always be growing and pursuing new heights in the Lord.  In all respects, Mark and I are still 'newly weds' (4 years) - so we have lots of growing to do!  I want to be a power-house couple that emanates the fragrance of Christ!

Anyway...stepping off my soapbox now.  Those were my current jumbled thoughts on this and I needed to unload them after the difficult discussion I had with the ladies at my study.  I would love to hear other thoughts!

Lent

So, I guess today is the start of the season of Lent.  To be quite honest, I have never really given much thought or care to this religious tradition and I don't really know why.  The more I've been reading up on it and considering it, I realize that it may just be something that I should attempt to put into practice this year.

For those of you not familiar with Lent, it is basically a 40 day long period of fasting and/or prayer before Easter, The Resurrection of our Lord.  The 40 days represent the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert, when He was tempted by Satan.  The practice of Lent is to prepare our hearts for celebrating Christ's resurrection.  This year, it starts today and ends on April 9th - my birthday!  How appropriate to choose to start a fast that will be culminated on the celebration of my birthday!  Well, I think so, at least! ha.

Ok, so I've really been pondering what I should choose to 'fast' from for the next 40 days. There is one thing I am addicted to that I know, full well, distracts me from spending any time with God.  What's that?  Oh man, you're looking at it!  The ding dang computer!  I have a severe addiction.  It started to grow exponentially as I've become a stay at home mom....I am desperate for contact with the outside world!!  "Somebody, please email me...talk to me....anything" - that's my inner plea each day.  But, I sadly had to ask myself:  Am I as desperate for contact with my Savior?  hhhmmmmm....for awhile I've kinda been avoiding this question cuz I know the answer!  I've let myself get into that 'rut' that we are all too familiar with, from time to time.  And, one thing that really detracts me from taking this question seriously is my addiction to the computer...the internet.  Ugh.  I sit down with my breakfast, look at my Bible, and then longingly look over at this damn thing and say to myself:  "ok, I'll just check the email very quickly, otherwise I know I won't be able to concentrate until my curiosity is satiated".  So, my quick check of the email turns into 30 minutes of aimlessly wandering around the internet...and then, whoops, Vienne wakes up. No time for Bible reading.  And, thus my cycle goes.  Pathetic, eh?  Yes.  Yes, I know it is. 

Now, I realize that I have to be realistic with how I choose to go about this.  I know that I cannot go 40 whole days without popping on here.  So, I have decided to choose a time of day that I typically am on here and refrain so that I may turn that time into devotion time. Breakfast time will be that time. 

So, yeah. I guess...well, since I spent most of my free time today writing this, that I will have to start tomorrow.  One day late.  Oh well.  At least I spent today thinking about it...that counts for something, right?  hehe.

If anyone who reads this (all 4 of you!) has chosen something for Lent as well, please share! Let's keep each other accountable!

All Hallow's Eve

Now that I have a child I keep getting asked "what is Vienne dressing up as for 

Halloween?"  Well, here is yet another 'radical' thing about me:  I do not celebrate Halloween.  Explaining this to other moms has proven to be a bit 'difficult'.  I often sense that others feel, shall I say, put off...while that is not what I intend.  They often respond in frustration and maybe say to me:  "it is just fun and it never hurt anyone".  I know.  I know.  I don't judge you.  And, this post is not written for that.  This post is to just explain where I'm coming from.  I don't expect others to agree.  I feel that everyone needs to make their own decisions based on their own personal convictions....though, I do believe that it is highly important to be fully informed before ignorantly making decisions.

So, why don't I celebrate this very popular 'holiday' that is a favorite in many households? Well, first off, here is just one of the many informative links out there that explains the history of Halloween.  But if you want a short version for my own personal convictions, here it is:

I remember being shown a Chuck Smith video a LONG time ago that researched the history of Halloween.  Their research was so thorough and informative that I immediately felt convicted if I ignored it.  Knowledge can do soooo many things.  So, I learned, (as most of you have probably heard on a simplified level) that Halloween is basically considered Satan's holiday.  Witches and satanists and other practitioners of evil LOVE this day and spend the year counting down to this one day.  It is the day that they believe that the evil spirits fully come out...the day that they can come fully in contact w/these spirits.  They perform rituals and sacrifices....YES, these things STILL go on around us.  In present day.  

There is also interesting history behind the all innocent 'trick or treating', carving 'jack o' lanterns', and wearing costumes.  Things that we typically find harmless.  Trick or treating originates from the belief that on this night spirits of the dead would rise out of their graves and come back to haunt their old homes.  In fear of this, the people would set out 'treats' to appease the spirits.  If a 'treat' was not set out, then a 'trick' or curse was believed to be put on them.  They also believed that this night opened the doors of hell for any and all evil spirits to emerge on this night and to wreck havoc.  The superstitious people would then masquerade as 'devils' or 'ghouls' or 'witches' to try and blend in with these lurking demons. If they went unnoticed, then they believed that they would not get hurt by these spirits.  Silly and superstitious, I know...but nonetheless, that's how people were way back then.  

The tradition of carving pumpkins or gourds was also an effort to thwart the demonic spirits. They, oddly, believed that if they carved out an ugly demonic face on a vegetable and placed it in front of their home, that they might scare off these demons.  Weird...but...

Thus, this explains the tradition of 'dressing up in costumes...primarily witches and goblins' and the tradition of trick or treating and carving faces in pumpkins.

Now, don't get me wrong...I must clarify that I LOVE the fall.  Love love love it.  I LOVE harvest.  And, quite honestly, I love pumpkin patches and dressing up in costumes...who doesn't?  But, on this day especially, I am convicted to not take part.  I still go to pumpkin patches....I don't think I've missed going for one single year of my life.  Pumpkins mean harvest to me.  I decorate my home w/lovely little punkins and dried leaves to celebrate the beauty of this season.  If I ever carve a pumpkin, though, I do not carve faces anymore.  I might carve a scene or a leaf or something natural...or a scripture verse.  If I attend a costume party, I make sure that it is a 'clean' one and that it is primarily not on Halloween night.  I have a child now.  I know this will be difficult when she is older.  And, I do not believe in totally sheltering your children.  We will let her attend Harvest parties and discuss fun alternatives with the intention of bringing honor to Christ.  I just don't like the idea of participating in trick or treating.  Now that I've known the history behind it all, I just cannot compromise.  I feel like if I give in, I am believing what Satan wants me to believe about this day - 'that it is just pure clean innocent fun'.  I believe, though, that he has pulled a black veil over our eyes and dances in glee at our ignorance while his followers are out there worshipping him in horrific ways on this particular day.  For me, it has become a solemn day. Sometimes, I think about kids' lives and/or animals that might be sacrificed while everyone is out having their fun.  I often tell myself that I should be especially praying on this day....and I need to stay more committed to that.