Love and Respect

Mark and I have been reading Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerich.  Interesting book.  If you're not familiar with it, it focuses primarily on the passage from Ephesians 5:33 which states: 

"However, each of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Those who know the Bible are familiar with this passage, especially if we are married.  But, have we fully digested what it truly means to "respect our husbands"?  For me, respecting Mark has not been difficult to do, so honestly, I have found myself only mildly embracing this 'instruction'.  But, the book points something out that struck me:  the fact that our husbands value respect not as much as they value love but as much as we women value love.  If they were given the option between receiving love or respect, they would choose respect.  To me, that is a foreign thought as a woman.  Love is so much more important to me.  

What has also become an interesting topic with some other ladies I know is the concept of 'unconditionally respecting' our husbands.  As we enter the marriage, I assume that we hope for and expect unconditional love, as Christ loves us...do we not?  To be loved despite our follies, our irritating habits, our past...etc.  Right?  Well, that's exactly what our men need from us with respect.  To respect them despite their mistakes, their choices, their behavior...etc.  This entire concept was brought up in my ladies' Bible study and I was sadly disappointed to discover that the other ladies did not view respect this way.  Their respect for their husbands is conditional and they seemed pretty firm in believing that was acceptable.  It made me so sad.  

Of course, respecting our husbands, unconditionally, is not an easy task at all times.  Yes, they will make poor choices, they will behave in ugly ways...we will not always like them. But, as Christ loves us despite all that we've done and continue to do, so are we to aspire to treat our husbands in the same light.  It is an act of obedience not of feeling, sometimes. The scripture does not say "love your wife as you love yourself when it is easy to do and the wife must respect her husband only when he deserves it".   And, Christ does not love us only when we are perfectly following Him, nor does He call us to love others and treat others kindly only when they deserve it.  He instructs us to love our enemies, to love the unlovable...all the more, we should be loving and respecting our husbands, should we not?  The point of all this is not to say that it is easy.  No.  Of course it isn't.  If it was easy to do then the Lord wouldn't have to make such pointed instructions for us, now would He?  These things are difficult sometimes, yes.  And, no, we cannot always do it on our own.  One girl in my study said that if her husband cheated on her, she would not be able to handle it and she would leave without looking back, knowing that is against what the Lord asks of us.  Of course, I believe that is what we would all initially feel.  Of course, we would not be able to handle it.  But I have been embracing, more and more lately, the awesome power of our God.  In saying that 'we cannot handle it and we would just give up', we are limiting His power.  No, we cannot handle it, but HE surely can.  And, when we rely on Him, He works the impossible.  Dealing with infidelity is not something that I am familiar with in the least bit and I cannot say that I know how I would respond to it.  But, in knowing what I know now and seeing the testimonies of the Lord's work around me and in other seemingly impossible marriages, I know the restorative power of Jesus and that He can work the impossible when we let Him. So, in that light, shouldn't we respect our husbands unconditionally, with the same reliance on our Heavenly Father?  It's an act of obedience and obedience does not always feel "fun" or easy.

So, what does unconditionally respecting our husbands actually look like?  Well, this is something I'm still learning.  And, it is hard to think about.  I'm trying to come up with something terribly disrespectful that Mark or any husband could do...and then ask myself how I would respond and how could I respect that.  With my flesh?...no, that's impossible.  Let's see...let's say my or your husband chose to do something very dishonest.  Are we supposed to respect that action?  No, I don't think that's what it's saying.  I believe it's like the call to love.  You know how you've heard the saying "love the person, hate their sin"?  I think that's how it's supposed to be in respecting our men.  Respect him for who he is and who you married. Right?  Does this make sense?

I started reading this Love and Respect book with admitted cynicism.  But, obviously, I am gaining much more out of it now, than I thought I would.  I guess bringing it up as a discussion topic with other women started to give me insight to the truth of it and how we, Christian wives, need to freshen up on the instructions the Lord has given us.  I desire a fabulous marriage...and I, honestly, believe that I do have one.  But, I want more!  We need to always be growing and pursuing new heights in the Lord.  In all respects, Mark and I are still 'newly weds' (4 years) - so we have lots of growing to do!  I want to be a power-house couple that emanates the fragrance of Christ!

Anyway...stepping off my soapbox now.  Those were my current jumbled thoughts on this and I needed to unload them after the difficult discussion I had with the ladies at my study.  I would love to hear other thoughts!

Lent

So, I guess today is the start of the season of Lent.  To be quite honest, I have never really given much thought or care to this religious tradition and I don't really know why.  The more I've been reading up on it and considering it, I realize that it may just be something that I should attempt to put into practice this year.

For those of you not familiar with Lent, it is basically a 40 day long period of fasting and/or prayer before Easter, The Resurrection of our Lord.  The 40 days represent the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert, when He was tempted by Satan.  The practice of Lent is to prepare our hearts for celebrating Christ's resurrection.  This year, it starts today and ends on April 9th - my birthday!  How appropriate to choose to start a fast that will be culminated on the celebration of my birthday!  Well, I think so, at least! ha.

Ok, so I've really been pondering what I should choose to 'fast' from for the next 40 days. There is one thing I am addicted to that I know, full well, distracts me from spending any time with God.  What's that?  Oh man, you're looking at it!  The ding dang computer!  I have a severe addiction.  It started to grow exponentially as I've become a stay at home mom....I am desperate for contact with the outside world!!  "Somebody, please email me...talk to me....anything" - that's my inner plea each day.  But, I sadly had to ask myself:  Am I as desperate for contact with my Savior?  hhhmmmmm....for awhile I've kinda been avoiding this question cuz I know the answer!  I've let myself get into that 'rut' that we are all too familiar with, from time to time.  And, one thing that really detracts me from taking this question seriously is my addiction to the computer...the internet.  Ugh.  I sit down with my breakfast, look at my Bible, and then longingly look over at this damn thing and say to myself:  "ok, I'll just check the email very quickly, otherwise I know I won't be able to concentrate until my curiosity is satiated".  So, my quick check of the email turns into 30 minutes of aimlessly wandering around the internet...and then, whoops, Vienne wakes up. No time for Bible reading.  And, thus my cycle goes.  Pathetic, eh?  Yes.  Yes, I know it is. 

Now, I realize that I have to be realistic with how I choose to go about this.  I know that I cannot go 40 whole days without popping on here.  So, I have decided to choose a time of day that I typically am on here and refrain so that I may turn that time into devotion time. Breakfast time will be that time. 

So, yeah. I guess...well, since I spent most of my free time today writing this, that I will have to start tomorrow.  One day late.  Oh well.  At least I spent today thinking about it...that counts for something, right?  hehe.

If anyone who reads this (all 4 of you!) has chosen something for Lent as well, please share! Let's keep each other accountable!

a rare treasure, I am

I read a beautiful devotion in the 'Daily Bread' the other morning.  It has stuck with me.  I thought I would share.

The focus was on Psalm 139.

"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.  Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed."

There was a quote in this devotional that I just loved:

"...I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creatures that I could think of.  For to have been thought about - born in God's thoughts - and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, most precious thing in all my thinking."

What a beautiful reminder this is, is it not?  To 'have been thought about...born in God's thoughts...and then made by Him' ... how could we stoop so low to criticize His wonderful workmanship.  God was intentional with us.  God was intentional with me. 

To be honest, I haven't really been struggling with insecurity for awhile now (what victory that is!)...but I am a woman.  I have my moments.  When I scour at the new pimple on my face...or frown at the extra pooch on my belly...or roll my eyes at a new picture I see of myself ... I will try and remember this. 

I was intended. 

I am lovely.

I am loved.

And, so are you.

God's Good Gifts

One of our 'bathroom readers' is a small Max Lucado book titled Grace for the Moment.  I was reading the thought for the day, last week,which was titled 'God's Good Gifts'.  It was a wonderful little reminder of how God is always there for us to bless us and comfort us...if we would only receive it.  How easily I take these things for granted.  How far away I continue to let myself drift.  How faithful and patient He is with me~

He has sent His angels to care for you, His Holy Spirit to dwell in you, His church to encourage you, and His word to guide you...

Anytime you speak, He listens;  make a request and He responds.

He will never let you be tempted too much or stumble too far.

Let a tear appear on your cheek, and He is there to wipe it.

Let a love sonnet appear on your lips, and He is there to hear it.

As much as you want to see Him, He wants to see you more...

I decided to add in a few of my own~

When I feel alone, He is waiting to be my friend...and reveals to me what friends I do have.

When I am angry, He is patient and gentle and doesn't hold it against me.

When I worry, He shows me that there is nothing to worry about.

When I am fearful, He fills my head with songs and shows me how protected I really am.

When I am exhausted, He reminds me of my amazing husband who is so eager to serve.

When our budget is tight, He still allows us to eat wonderful foods and live in a warm home.

When I am frustrated, He quickly shows me how great I really have it.

When I am discouraged as a new mother, He shows me how incredible my 

little baby really is.

When I am critical of myself, He brings about small encouragements through kind words.

And when I drift far away He is always right there, waiting to receive me, no matter what.

"Every good action and every perfect gift is from God."

James 1:17

Inspired

I've been inspired this week. And not just by one thing. What a rare treasure it is to find inspiration...and to find it in more places than one, I am feeling uber blessed.

Inspiration # 1: Finding Joy in Trials -
As noted in my previous post...the other day was a rough one. BUT in the end I found that, for the first time in a long time, the Lord led me to handle it with grace. In my new Bible Study I am doing with other moms, we just started studying James. The first few verses of the book talk about finding joy through trials. I have always struggled over that idea. 'But, Lord, how do I find joy from a colicky baby??...or an angry friend...or ??' It's hard. And all I can say is that I can finally see how the Lord has answered some prayer (things have been dry lately). To ask for trials in order to be sharpened and refined is a difficult request, to say the least. But, I can confidently attest to the rewards. I cannot promise that I will always respond to trials with grace...but oh what a beautiful testimony it is to see the potential I have in Christ. I am inspired.

Inspiration #2: Finding Joy in the Kitchen -
I finally feel like I am coming into my own. This week was my first week of fully diving into the art of true homemaking...at least in the kitchen. As encouraged by my dear friend, Lacey, I have determined to start making everything that we eat from scratch. Reading blogs of other homemakers has strongly contributed to my ambition for this. I have made it a goal to stop buying all/most packaged/processed foods and make them myself. I figure that if I am allowed to stay home with our baby, then I should be doing all that I can to provide the best 'home' for my loved ones. I am not contributing financially anymore and this is one small way that I can lovingly help my husband by saving grocery costs (no more $4 bottles of kombucha, Jenny!). And, on top of all this, I am providing the absolute best health for my family by cooking everything...knowing every ingredient that goes into it all and making it with love and care. So, for now, I have started to make crackers, tortilla chips, granola, cookies, muffins, kombucha...and bread is next (I will soon be posting recipes). And...it's been a blast for me!! I am loving it! I have stopped watching TV during the days or just piddly-dinkin' around on the internet. I am playing my favorite fall tunes from Nat King Cole or Billy Holiday and dancing around my kitchen creating wonderful snacks for my husband and myself! What better way is there to spend a blustery fall day?! I have been inspired.

Inspiration #3: Finding Joy as a Homemaker -
I was recently discussing the art of 'homemaking' with aforementioned dear friend of mine and we were talking about the well-sought after Proverbs 31 woman. Oh, how all of us ladies long to be a wife and mother like that. 'Amen?' I used to read about her and shrug my shoulders and say "well that was then and this is now....and good luck with that!". But, hey, why not find modern ways to incorporate her way of homemaking into our present-day lives? I feel called to this and want to strive to make it a personal mission. God put her in the Bible to serve as an example for us. He knows what I am capable of...what you are capable of...when I put my heart and mind to it. She is my new inspiration.

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Wow. Let's be inspired.

Dedicated Unto the Lord

Vienne Juliet ~ 'alive and full of life'

(with our pastor at church)

"I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with 

inner strength through His Spirit.  Then Christ will make His home in your 

heart as you trust in Him.  Your roots will grow down into God's love 

and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, 

as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep 

His love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great 

to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all 

the fullness of life and power that comes from God!" 

~Ephesians 3:16-19

Yesterday was Vienne's dedication at church.  This is the scripture passage that we chose for her when she was born - a prayer over her life and a reference to the meaning of her name. 'Full of life' - that my daughter surely is!

It is our prayer that we raise her to wholly love the Lord and to choose Him above all else. And, in this prayer and hope, I am reminded to ask myself if I do the same thing that I wish for my daughter?  I do wholly love the Lord.  But, do I choose Him above all else?  How dedicated have I been unto Him?  Do I fully understand 'how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love truly is'??  A good question to ask every now and then.  

...blown and tossed by the wind

Last night, I took Vienne on our usual evening walk, at sunset.  It is always a quiet walk.  A time to reflect and decompress.  The air was crisp and still and so we ventured down onto the sand and walked the line of the rhythmic waves.  The last glimpse of the sun revealed a stunning pink-orange hue that shed a calming blanket of light over the ocean.  The waves were reserved last night, shushing and lulling back and forth.  The water had that beautiful silver almost lavender sheen dancing across it.  Lovely. I thought to myself "wow.  I live here."  I had almost forgotten.  I realized that I have let myself get tossed around...not only in the bustle of life, but in my faith as well.  

As most can attest, being a new mom is all-consuming, to say the least.  Recently, I have started to feel such pride for finally finding the ability to calm down and discover myself again...my interests, my passions.  But, last night, I realized that I have neglected to uncover the depth of my spirit and renew my passion for Christ.  Motherhood hit me hard in the first 3-4 months.  I will not lie - I almost didn't like the new role.  It hit me by surprise like a sneaker wave.  There were literal times where I would yell and curse and cry.  Shameful. And, not once, no not once did I call upon the Lord.  You know why?  Because I was so down deep in my own self pity, letting myself get tossed around, that I didn't even believe that He wanted to help me out.  It was one of the first times in my life that I found myself doubting. What a low point.  I realized that I had taken credit for all 'my' success during the pregnancy and labor that I subconsciously thought I could handle the rest on my own.  Oh, foolish child.  

I have just acknowledged all of this in the past month.  It is a humble reality.

I am starting a study on James today.  How applicable it is going to be.  The moment that I admitted my ugly pride and doubt, the Lord has finally been welcome to come in and get to work. We shall see what this journey will reveal.

"But when (s)he asks, (s)he must believe and not doubt, because (s)he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."