it's raining...

it's not pouring, but sometimes it sure feels like it when your heart is hurting.  

Lately I've really been wanting to write...to ramble my current slam of thoughts.  I'm still so new to this whole blogging thing.  Sometimes, I write with abandon...laying my vulnerability out there for all to see.  Though, recently I've found myself to be reserved, actually caring what others might think when they read this.  I once had a friend accuse me of always being negative (I had been having some rough times....ya know:  a miscarriage, lost my job, my best friend, at the time, went crazy...just simple things really) and it has instilled in me the fear of ever expressing too deep of feelings/thoughts that might relay an attitude of being 'negative', too often.  I don't want this blog to be my 'Woe is Me Session' (yuck) but I have to be honest and admit that this winter has been a hard one for me.  Actually, let me rephrase that....this period of my life since moving out to the beach, away from any close family or friends, has been the hardest season of my life. Each year here presents new trials, usually with relationships, that I must forge through...always leaving myself to ask the question: "what is wrong with me?"  Before moving here to get married and live with my husband, I never had such relational challenges.  One of my closest girlfriends pointed out to me, today, that it is most likely due to the fact that this is the first time I have lived away from my family and any close dear friends.  I have had to survive on my own, I suppose.  So, maybe I stink at discerning who would be a good new friend!?  haha.  I am such a relational person.  I truly cherish my friendships.  I have a quality about me that works for and against me, at the same time:  I don't guard myself and I invest quickly.  I give my trust very quickly and am not afraid to be vulnerable.  As you can see, this can typically be a good quality to have in a friend, but it has also led to much pain.  You'd think I'd have trust issues by now....Lord knows I wish I did!  Sometimes I actually wish that I would guard my trust and heart a bit more protectively...I get hurt and often vow that I will not entrust myself to someone so quickly the next time.  But, I always fail.  I get excited, like a little girl, to meet someone new (geesh, sounds kinda desperate, don't it?).  Anyway, now this sounds like I keep allowing myself to get my feelers hurt...that I must be some overly-sensitive girl who can't hold a friendship...and maybe that is the case...??  But, deep down I don't feel like that is what it is.  I have just met some disappointing people on my journey of living out here.  Mark has continually warned me that coastal people are a different/challenging breed.  But, I acknowledge in the same breath that I, of course, have my own hang-ups and these relational trials have served to teach me a new revelation about myself that I must submit to the Lord and grow from.

So, yeah.  I have been feeling a bit blue lately.  My health has become a big challenge again and that is a daily struggle that I try not to let get me down.  Mark and I are currently wading through an issue that I struggle with and everyday I look at him and sometimes feel myself thinking that he deserves so much better.  Financial struggles are finally hitting us and we find ourselves asking what is next? ...should Mark find a new career?  ...could we/should we move away from here (fingers crossed!)?  My spiritual walk is the driest it's ever been - I want to feel Jesus so badly right now, but I struggle through the muck to even believe that I am capable of feeling Him. And, this place is stinkin' lonely.  I am a stay at home mom.  I love my job but I need companionship in the baddest way.  But, this week I found myself stunned from another let-down friendship.  My heart is aching and bewildered.  Boohoo. Woe is me.

It's raining...but I know it's not pouring.  It's not pouring because these are mild trials in the grand scheme of it all. I know that.  It doesn't make it all hurt any less.  But, when I hear about another friend's current trials I am put in my place and shown how challenging it really could be.  But, right now, I am still aching.  I am in my muck.  Am I over-reacting...am I over-dramatizing?  Perhaps.  But that is how I feel.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve, in plain sight for all to see.  If I were to sit here and write out some emotion-less post about food or health, I would not be true to myself and my current frame of mind.  So this is 

where I'm at.

I started re-reading Captivating by John and Stasi Elderidge the other week.  Yes, it is a very trendy Christian book, but it is still worth the read and I highly recommend it.  It points out how, too often, women struggle with feeling like they are not enough yet, at the same time, that they are far too much.  Holy cow, I soooooo relate to that, don't you?  I catch my thoughts wandering to places, thinking:  "I'm not enough of a serving wife"..."I'm not a patient enough mother"..."I'm not a thoughtful enough friend"...to..."I have too many opinions"..."I react with too much emotion"..."I over-think too much".  Can anyone else relate to this?  Anyway, so this book is great because it delves into those struggling thoughts and begins to reveal to you, as a woman, that you are neither too much nor lacking but that you are just right, for that is how God designed you.  This is the briefest summary of just 

a portion of this book...but all that to say, it is pretty darn encouraging especially for the struggles I am currently facing.

I have to keep re-realizing that while I do the best I can to learn and grow to be a better, loving person, I am still me just as Jesus created me and some people will embrace that while others will reject it.  I thought/expected friendships to be opportunities to embrace each other's differences, quirks and all - a striving for unconditional love and acceptance. And, I still believe that's how it should be.  It is a sad world for those who do not view or treat friendships in the same light for their relationships will be lacking.

I am left dwelling upon one of my most favoritest quotes that I relate to in a very intimate way:

Then the time came when the risk it took

To remain tight in a bud was more painful

Than the risk it took to blossom.

~Anias Nin

To my true dear friends:  May we continue to blossom into the beauties that God designed us to be...quirks and all...and love each other, unconditionally, for them.

My dear husband and best friend for life

Mi Madre, who has loved me unconditionally since I was in her womb

Lacey Jean, my bosom buddy - though, I'm more bosom and she's more booty...maybe we should be 'bosom booties'?

Katy, my beautiful dear sister and one of my closest friends

Becky, my adopted sister in Christ and friend who tells it like it is (we're at a costume party in this pic)

Brooke, my lifelong friend since childhood - we shared Barbies and played chipmunk

...just to name a few.

I'm here...

I realized that when I am uber super busy and have soooo much on my mind, I have less to write about.  Even when I have the occasional moment to write something.  I sit and stare at the computer and try to filter through what sounds most interesting.  I procrastinate.  And, then I neglect to write on here, altogether.  I need to just sit down and pour out my thoughts...this is my journal, right?  I need to keep reminding myself that I don't have to have anything eloquent to say in order to post a blog.  Who cares anyway, right?

So, instead of focusing on one topic, I thought I'd just recap what's been going on over here...just to organize my thoughts, if anything.

Well, there was the Bachelorette party weekend for my sister in Lincoln City.  The Baby shower for my dear friend in Vancouver.  The pondering of ideas for a career move for my husband.  The stressful dealing with a recurring ear infection that turned into a rash pouring out of my ear....that revealed that I have frickin' candida after visiting the naturopath 2x and going to urgent care.  The stress over a new diet that I have to adopt and new recipes to find without sugar, dairy, wheat, and most fermented foods.....ugh.  Trying to remain faithful to my commitment to the season of Lent.  Working through some emotional stress in our marriage.  A very intense weekend of wedding festivities, from a Rehearsal dinner to venue setup to arranging floral bouquets to calming the bride to walking down the aisle and choking up over the fact that my dear sister finally found her Prince Charming in the most wonderful man, named Jeremy.  Visiting our best friends who have moved into a community house with another family in Portland, see here for their new blog.  

And, now...now, we have absolutely nothing on our plate for the next few weeks.  And, that feels great.  Because, now I need to focus on my family.  I need to focus more intently on my health.  This nasty rash on my ear (gross, weird, I KNOW!) still needs to clear up.  I need to figure out some appealing foods that I can eat that are safe while trying to wade through the ridiculously hard battle against candida (yeast overgrowth in your body, for those who are unfamiliar with it).  I have been diagnosed with candida before and I just despise it...I despise that it is supposedly sooo prevalent and sooo easy to fall prey to and sooo hard to kill.  I question the diagnosis at times...but I guess I have nothing else to go off of.  I suppose I should write a more complete post on what exactly this crazy thing called candida really is.

But, I realize that after listing the stresses of my pa

st few weeks I should close this with something positive.  Some things to be thankful for amidst the hardships.  So, here goes...

Today I am thankful for:

~ The time change, for now Vienne is sleeping in 'til 7:30 by the new clock and the rest of our days are working out much more smoothly.

~ On that note, she has also been a great sleeper lately and if you are a mother you know how crucial that is.

~ My new time in the Word that I have discovered each morning.

~ A loving and amazing husband who took complete care of our daughter while I hopped around fulfilling wedding duties all weekend 

long...who loves to help me in the kitchen...who vacuums on his own whim...who rises with Vienne in the morning to spend precious daddy/daughter time while I sleep...who counsels me in wisdom when I over-react with selfish emotion to outside circumstances...who sets an example of selflessness to me...

~ That my sister is happily married to a most amazing young man whom I am proud to call Brother.

~ That we can buy the foods we need to eat healthy.

~ And, I am always always thankful for this beautiful place we are privileged to live in and this most precious daughter I have been blessed with...check out that face!

Lent

So, I guess today is the start of the season of Lent.  To be quite honest, I have never really given much thought or care to this religious tradition and I don't really know why.  The more I've been reading up on it and considering it, I realize that it may just be something that I should attempt to put into practice this year.

For those of you not familiar with Lent, it is basically a 40 day long period of fasting and/or prayer before Easter, The Resurrection of our Lord.  The 40 days represent the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert, when He was tempted by Satan.  The practice of Lent is to prepare our hearts for celebrating Christ's resurrection.  This year, it starts today and ends on April 9th - my birthday!  How appropriate to choose to start a fast that will be culminated on the celebration of my birthday!  Well, I think so, at least! ha.

Ok, so I've really been pondering what I should choose to 'fast' from for the next 40 days. There is one thing I am addicted to that I know, full well, distracts me from spending any time with God.  What's that?  Oh man, you're looking at it!  The ding dang computer!  I have a severe addiction.  It started to grow exponentially as I've become a stay at home mom....I am desperate for contact with the outside world!!  "Somebody, please email me...talk to me....anything" - that's my inner plea each day.  But, I sadly had to ask myself:  Am I as desperate for contact with my Savior?  hhhmmmmm....for awhile I've kinda been avoiding this question cuz I know the answer!  I've let myself get into that 'rut' that we are all too familiar with, from time to time.  And, one thing that really detracts me from taking this question seriously is my addiction to the computer...the internet.  Ugh.  I sit down with my breakfast, look at my Bible, and then longingly look over at this damn thing and say to myself:  "ok, I'll just check the email very quickly, otherwise I know I won't be able to concentrate until my curiosity is satiated".  So, my quick check of the email turns into 30 minutes of aimlessly wandering around the internet...and then, whoops, Vienne wakes up. No time for Bible reading.  And, thus my cycle goes.  Pathetic, eh?  Yes.  Yes, I know it is. 

Now, I realize that I have to be realistic with how I choose to go about this.  I know that I cannot go 40 whole days without popping on here.  So, I have decided to choose a time of day that I typically am on here and refrain so that I may turn that time into devotion time. Breakfast time will be that time. 

So, yeah. I guess...well, since I spent most of my free time today writing this, that I will have to start tomorrow.  One day late.  Oh well.  At least I spent today thinking about it...that counts for something, right?  hehe.

If anyone who reads this (all 4 of you!) has chosen something for Lent as well, please share! Let's keep each other accountable!

New Tricks

They make me giggle.

Eat Your Vegetables!

I often get asked for easy tips on eating healthy.  One of my main focuses, for a healthy diet, has always been on vegetables.  You've always heard it from mom: "Eat those vegetables!"  An abundant array of colorful veggies should be our main source of vitamins...not synthetic bottled supplements, filling your body with fake junk that is barely absorbed.  If your vitamins are not made from whole foods, then they are synthetic vitamins, which your body isn't capable of fully absorbing (so, check your source of vitamins!).  Not only are you wasting money on those bottles but your are also wasting effort and energy that it takes for your body to try and process them.  (Read here for more info from one of many articles on this topic.)  Though, as a side note, if you feel that you are still lacking in your diet and need to take a multi-vitamin, I highly suggest a good whole food vitamin:  check out 'New Chapter' vitamins - it's the brand of prenatals that carried me through my pregnancy.  They are sold at most health food stores and at great discounts online.

If you are eating your vegetables, like our ancestors always did, then you won't have such a dire need for supplements...but, most importantly, your body will be enriched and healthier than ever before!  Have you ever asked yourself how our ancestors got their nourishment?  They never bought it in a bottle.  They got it straight from the right foods. 

So, when I first started my journey towards a healthier lifestyle, I knew that I needed to start incorporating a much more colorful array of produce than what I was eating before.  The more colors of veggies that you eat, the more nutrients and vitamins your body will be receiving.  I was instructed by my naturopath to try and eat 6-8 different colored veggies with each meal.  Phew!  I was overwhelmed by this idea!  The main thing that intimidated me was having to constantly prepare all of these vegetables.  I hated chopping veggies and rarely made a salad beyond torn lettuce and baby carrots.  But, then I learned the simplest piece of advice for staying on top of this crucial necessity for my body:

Buy 6-8 different types of vegetables, of varying colors.  For example, I typically try to buy what's in season, first of all, but a good basic assortment usually consists of:  carrots, celery, kale, red cabbage, broccoli, red or green peppers (if in season), zucchini, and maybe tomatoes (if in season). Darker greens have more vitamins in them.  Then chop a small portion (like a 1/4) of each vegetable and store them all together in a large container in the fridge.  Voila!  Now, you have this large mix of freshly chop vegetables always on hand to mix in with anything.  With this mix, you may toss a handful in with some lettuce or spinach leaves and have a salad.  You can saute it in with scrambled eggs (add some goat cheese and it makes for a fab-o breakfast!).  You may saute it up with some sausage or chicken for a quick lunch or dinner - get creative with the seasonings or sauces.  Or you can steam a handful of the mixed veggies....eat that with butter and S&P as a side with your main course or toss it with some pasta or rice or soup!  Once I established this easy discipline of making sure that I have a container full of freshly chopped veggies always on hand, it makes it sooo much easier to make sure that I am always eating a wonderfully balanced meal and that I am getting those nutrients that I need.  My biggest set back beforehand was just the prep of always chopping vegetables when I wanted a salad or something.  I'm lazy.  When I'm hungry, I want to eat now.  This wonderful habit helps to give me my food now and give it to me healthy.  I would say that my large container of chopped veggies lasts us about 3-4 days...so, that's only chopping like twice a week!  Not bad.  Anyone could handle that!

I personally believe that above all other ways of eating, this is one of the best and easiest ways to get started on the healthy track.  Don't get yourself overwhelmed by lacto-fermented drinks or eating low-fat or even with books like Nourishing Traditions if you are new to these ideas.  Don't get me wrong...I LOVE that book, but it is not always for the beginner.  Most people that I come across that say they wish to eat better are usually looking for an easy answer.  This is my easy answer.  And, I believe that once you start incorporating these veggies in with your meals, you will start decreasing the amount of other unhealthy things that you may have previously chosen or eaten with your main courses....ie:  packaged/processed foods, foods w/saturated fats...etc.  And, of course, I always have to recommend going organic...but, I do know that many people who wish to eat healthier or are new to all this are still not willing to pay for organic items.  So, if it comes down to that and you think you just can't afford organic or it's just not the priority for you yet....still buy all the veggies and know that you're doing so much better than before!  I will write my thoughts on sacrificing for the higher prices of organic foods some other time.

So, to go along with your new colorful salads, I thought I would include a new favorite salad dressing of mine.  I don't typically buy dressings - too much crap in them.  We usually just use EVOO and balsamic vinegar, but I came across this recipe and it has made my salads oooohhhh-sooo-yummy!

Honey Mustard Dill Dressing

3 TB EVOO

2 tsp. dried dill or 1 TB of fresh chopped dill

1 TB Sherry wine vinegar

2 tsp. Dijon mustard

1 tsp. honey

S&P to taste

Whisk altogether, and you have it!

Lovely Day

Despite the surprise of a 5:30am wake up call from our daughter ... I have determined that it is going to be a lovely Valentine's Day.

A scrumptious breakfast of scrambled eggs with parmesan and fresh basil, 

homemade cinnamon raisin bread, and luscious red grapefruit with a hot cup of coffee...

A lovely homemade Valentine from my daughter (with daddy's help)...

A beautiful bouquet of my favorite tulips waiting for me, in a vase...

A sweet Valentine from a friend, hanging in my window...

The bright happy sun shining down on us this morning...

A weekend with my husband home...

More fabulous bread baking in the oven...

A cute new red shirt to wear on this day of hearts...

A wine tour through our little town and dinner following, to look forward to...

Happy loud giggles from the most beautiful daughter ever...

Yes.

It is going to be a lovely day.

I pray your Valentine's Day is just as lovely.

Kombucha Baby!

So, I first got addicted to kombucha by drinking 'GT Dave's' brand of kombucha drinks which are bottled with pure fruit juices and are extra super fizzy.  I love kombucha, not only because it is soooooo healthy for me (read here for health info on it) but also because it gives me that 'fix' for any cravings I might have for juice (which is packed with sugar...too much natural sugars are even bad for us) or for pop.  After spending about $3.50 per bottle (I know...SICK), I realized that I needed to be making this stuff myself.  Thankfully, my dear friend Lacey gave me one of her 'bucha babies and I have been a 'bucha brewing fanatic for a while now!  My one hesitation about brewing it myself was knowing that home brews do not taste like what I buy from the store...and that's the kind that I like!   So, once I started, I was determined to make my kombucha fruity and just as carbonated as the store-bought brands. I've done a lot of reading on different kombucha sites and never really found instructions for the results I was looking for.  Sooooo...I started to experiment, myself.  And, after a few trials, I've finally successfully done it!  For a few weeks now, I have been brewing and bottling incredibly yummy, fruity, fizzy kombucha!  So far, I've made it with cranberry juice, pomegranate juice, dark cherry juice, apple juice, and grape juice (my fave!).

A lot of my friends already know how to brew kombucha and there are tons of instructional sites out there for it...but ever since I started giving out my fresh kombucha starters to other friends and writing out the brewing methods, I decided to document it here, along with my new bottling methods.

So, here's what you need to start:

-1 kombucha scoby or 'baby' or starter that is kept in at least 1+ cp. of previously brewed kombucha tea.  FYI:  "SCOBY" stands for 'symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeasts' for those who wanted to know and get on with the lingo!

- A large pot for making the tea

- 16 cups of water

- 6 black or green tea bags *you need the caffeine for successful brewing  *stay away from flavored teas because the oils can harm your scoby.

- 1-1 1/2 cups of plain white sugar

- A large glass bowl, glass container, or beverage dispenser like you will see in my pictures (about a gallon or bigger)

- cheese cloth or light weight cotton towel and string or rubber band to cover the bowl with.

For bottling:

- About 8-10 grolsch style or flip-top bottles

- Fruit juice of your choice.  I would steer clear of citrus juices for I'm not sure how they would turn out with the kombucha.  Sounds gross to me.  Try cranberry, apple, grape, cherry, peach, pomegranate, or ginger...etc.

Here we go:

Start by boiling 16 cps. of water.  Once it is brought to a boili

ng, turn the stove off.  Slowly add in 1 - 1 1/2 cps. of plain white sugar and let the sugar completely dissolve for about 10 minutes.  Then add in the 6 tea bags (black or green....or 3 of each) and let steep for 10 more minutes.  You're basically making a huge pot of sweetened tea.

After 10 minutes, discard the tea bags.  Now let the tea cool to room temperature.  I take it off the stove and let it sit for a few hours until cooled.

Always keep your new scoby with about 1 cp. of brewed kombucha tea that has been reserved from your last batch...this helps start the fermenting process.  In this picture, I have removed my newly formed scoby and reserved it with about 1 cp. of newly fermented kombucha tea....it is set on a plate while I clean out the the glass dispenser.  I add in the cooled tea that I have just made and then gently slip this scoby into the tea, along with this reserved kombucha tea.

Next, cover the top with the cheese cloth or towel and secure with a string or rubber band - this prevents dust from settling on the tea while it is fermenting.  You will notice that your scoby might float around for a while until it settles and a new scoby starts to form.

Place your container in a warm dark place to ferment for about 7-10 days.  I place mine on the top shelf of my pantry closet.  The longer it sits, fermenting, the more vinegary it will taste.

After the 7-10 day mark, check your kombucha tea.  You will notice in my picture how a new layer of scoby has formed on top...this is exactly what you want!  Taste your 'bucha.  If it has a light cider vinegar taste with soft carbonation, it is ready.  If it is still flat, then let it sit for a few more days.  It needs to be carbonated to be ready.  It will slightly taste like hard cider.

This is the look of my new scoby layer....smooth and creamy.  Everyone's does seem to look a bit different, as I've learned from other friends.  But this is how mine always looks.  I'm always proud of my new "babies" that have formed.  You may peel this new layer off now and share it with a friend....remember to give it to them with at least a cup of your brewed kombucha tea, as well, to help preserve it and start the next fermenting batch.  Then you may start a new batch with your original 'Mother Scoby'.  When your 'Mother' starts to look brown and old after a few batches, you may discard it and use one of your babies for your next batch.  I have learned that if I don't discard my new layers, but keep them altogether each new time that I brew, the stronger and more vinegary my brew tastes.  I prefer a lighter vinegar taste, so I only brew with one layer of scoby each time.  This is my preference, but not a rule.

So, once your bucha is ready after your taste-tests, you may choose to either drink it now, straight from the dispenser or bowl....or, like me, you may bottle it with juice for a more exciting drink!  For this batch, I chose to bottle with organic cherry juice...NO added sugars.

Make sure to thoroughly wash and sterilize your bottles each time you re-use them.  Contamination is one thing to be very very alert to and careful of during the brewing/bottling process.  My husband brews beer so, thankfully, we have all the gear for sterilization.  Good, safe cleaning products and a bottle brush will also do fine.

Once your bottles are ready, fill each bottle about 1/3-1/2 full of fruit juice then fill the rest of the bottle with your kombucha tea....leave a little room at the top of the bottle for breathing.  If you choose to use grape, use less juice....I have discovered that grape is a very sugary juice.  The sugar in the juice is what will make your kombucha more and more carbonated (like in beer).  Therefore, the more sugary your juice, the more carbonated it will be.  If it gets too carbonated, your bottles could explode!  This is one reason why I use the grolsch bottles - they are so thick and sturdy and their caps are securely fastened.  But, I did have one grape explosion when I opened a bottle one day that had too much juice in it.  Grape ALL over my kitchen and me!!  So, be careful with the juice and carbonation! 

Once bottled, I set my bottles back in the pantry for about 5-7 days and then transfer to the fridge.  The longer they stay in the warm pantry, the longer it will continue to ferment.  When you transfer it to the fridge, it will slow that process down.

After that week of bottling my kombucha is ready to drink!  And look at the head on that 'bucha!!  Just beautiful!  Perfect!  Oh and it is sooooo yummy and refreshing.  

I hope this was helpful!

Here are a few other websites that are helpful with kombucha information.  I am by no means a kombucha expert...I am learning just like the rest of us.  I just wanted to share what I've learned.  Check these sites out....or write me a question if you are in the midst of brewing and have one!  

www.organic-kombucha.com

http//kombuchatea.tribe.net

www.happyherbalist.com