31

Yesterday was my 31st birthday and even though I was recovering from the flu, I think we made the best of it.  It was a quiet family day...with some of my most favorite people.  Mom was here visiting which made for an extra treat (and helping hand while I was sick!).  Mark bought me a beautiful bouquet of my favorite flowers - tulips, of course, along with a sweet card offering himself as my personal slave for the day (like he isn't already!).  He managed to surprise me with a new mattress topper for our bed, which has been getting a bit sunken in and old.  He convinced me and mom to take a short walk with Vienne while he pulled out the mattress topper and covered it with lovely rose petals.  So sweet.  Then we all went to a favorite restaurant in Gearhart that I haven't been to in a long time - Pacific Way Cafe.  Homemade tomato basil soup and a hot pesto chicken sandwich on their fresh baked french bread...mmmm....delish!  The sun even came out to kiss us on our cheeks for a bit.

After that we came home and Mark began to dig out an area of our yard for our upcoming garden while I read a book and V took her nap.  

After she woke up, Mark made me a lovely meal of seared salmon that had been marinated in thai spices and then drizzled with a ginger cilantro dressing, atop coconut brown rice with a fresh salad.  He's so good.

After dinner, we enjoyed some sweet time with our beautiful babe.  Once she went to bed, we pulled the mattress topper out to the living room and made up a makeshift bed and watched a movie by the firelight...while Mark gave me a back rub.  (btw, Slumdog Millionaire really is a good movie!!).

It was a sweet and quiet birthday.  Thank you dear husband.

Vienne gifted me with precious cuddle time for a solid 20 minutes...the best stuff ever!

Rubber ducky...did you know...

Here's a disappointing fact I just learned from my 'Natural Solutions' magazine: 

 

The iconic rubber ducky gets up to 50% of its weight from phthalates, chemicals linked to cancer, early onset puberty, and obesity.

I supposed I could've already guessed this but it's still disappointing and frustrating to learn the facts.  We have a friend who collects rubber duckies and finds joy in sharing them with our daughter.  As I've spoken of in an earlier post, we try to steer away from most plastic toys...but, hey, I'm not a Nazi about it, either.  No more playing with the dearly loved adorable ducky, though.  I need to be more alert and careful to what random objects she is choosing to play with.  Just a heads up for all you moms who care about this stuff....which is, I hope, all of you!

it's raining...

it's not pouring, but sometimes it sure feels like it when your heart is hurting.  

Lately I've really been wanting to write...to ramble my current slam of thoughts.  I'm still so new to this whole blogging thing.  Sometimes, I write with abandon...laying my vulnerability out there for all to see.  Though, recently I've found myself to be reserved, actually caring what others might think when they read this.  I once had a friend accuse me of always being negative (I had been having some rough times....ya know:  a miscarriage, lost my job, my best friend, at the time, went crazy...just simple things really) and it has instilled in me the fear of ever expressing too deep of feelings/thoughts that might relay an attitude of being 'negative', too often.  I don't want this blog to be my 'Woe is Me Session' (yuck) but I have to be honest and admit that this winter has been a hard one for me.  Actually, let me rephrase that....this period of my life since moving out to the beach, away from any close family or friends, has been the hardest season of my life. Each year here presents new trials, usually with relationships, that I must forge through...always leaving myself to ask the question: "what is wrong with me?"  Before moving here to get married and live with my husband, I never had such relational challenges.  One of my closest girlfriends pointed out to me, today, that it is most likely due to the fact that this is the first time I have lived away from my family and any close dear friends.  I have had to survive on my own, I suppose.  So, maybe I stink at discerning who would be a good new friend!?  haha.  I am such a relational person.  I truly cherish my friendships.  I have a quality about me that works for and against me, at the same time:  I don't guard myself and I invest quickly.  I give my trust very quickly and am not afraid to be vulnerable.  As you can see, this can typically be a good quality to have in a friend, but it has also led to much pain.  You'd think I'd have trust issues by now....Lord knows I wish I did!  Sometimes I actually wish that I would guard my trust and heart a bit more protectively...I get hurt and often vow that I will not entrust myself to someone so quickly the next time.  But, I always fail.  I get excited, like a little girl, to meet someone new (geesh, sounds kinda desperate, don't it?).  Anyway, now this sounds like I keep allowing myself to get my feelers hurt...that I must be some overly-sensitive girl who can't hold a friendship...and maybe that is the case...??  But, deep down I don't feel like that is what it is.  I have just met some disappointing people on my journey of living out here.  Mark has continually warned me that coastal people are a different/challenging breed.  But, I acknowledge in the same breath that I, of course, have my own hang-ups and these relational trials have served to teach me a new revelation about myself that I must submit to the Lord and grow from.

So, yeah.  I have been feeling a bit blue lately.  My health has become a big challenge again and that is a daily struggle that I try not to let get me down.  Mark and I are currently wading through an issue that I struggle with and everyday I look at him and sometimes feel myself thinking that he deserves so much better.  Financial struggles are finally hitting us and we find ourselves asking what is next? ...should Mark find a new career?  ...could we/should we move away from here (fingers crossed!)?  My spiritual walk is the driest it's ever been - I want to feel Jesus so badly right now, but I struggle through the muck to even believe that I am capable of feeling Him. And, this place is stinkin' lonely.  I am a stay at home mom.  I love my job but I need companionship in the baddest way.  But, this week I found myself stunned from another let-down friendship.  My heart is aching and bewildered.  Boohoo. Woe is me.

It's raining...but I know it's not pouring.  It's not pouring because these are mild trials in the grand scheme of it all. I know that.  It doesn't make it all hurt any less.  But, when I hear about another friend's current trials I am put in my place and shown how challenging it really could be.  But, right now, I am still aching.  I am in my muck.  Am I over-reacting...am I over-dramatizing?  Perhaps.  But that is how I feel.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve, in plain sight for all to see.  If I were to sit here and write out some emotion-less post about food or health, I would not be true to myself and my current frame of mind.  So this is 

where I'm at.

I started re-reading Captivating by John and Stasi Elderidge the other week.  Yes, it is a very trendy Christian book, but it is still worth the read and I highly recommend it.  It points out how, too often, women struggle with feeling like they are not enough yet, at the same time, that they are far too much.  Holy cow, I soooooo relate to that, don't you?  I catch my thoughts wandering to places, thinking:  "I'm not enough of a serving wife"..."I'm not a patient enough mother"..."I'm not a thoughtful enough friend"...to..."I have too many opinions"..."I react with too much emotion"..."I over-think too much".  Can anyone else relate to this?  Anyway, so this book is great because it delves into those struggling thoughts and begins to reveal to you, as a woman, that you are neither too much nor lacking but that you are just right, for that is how God designed you.  This is the briefest summary of just 

a portion of this book...but all that to say, it is pretty darn encouraging especially for the struggles I am currently facing.

I have to keep re-realizing that while I do the best I can to learn and grow to be a better, loving person, I am still me just as Jesus created me and some people will embrace that while others will reject it.  I thought/expected friendships to be opportunities to embrace each other's differences, quirks and all - a striving for unconditional love and acceptance. And, I still believe that's how it should be.  It is a sad world for those who do not view or treat friendships in the same light for their relationships will be lacking.

I am left dwelling upon one of my most favoritest quotes that I relate to in a very intimate way:

Then the time came when the risk it took

To remain tight in a bud was more painful

Than the risk it took to blossom.

~Anias Nin

To my true dear friends:  May we continue to blossom into the beauties that God designed us to be...quirks and all...and love each other, unconditionally, for them.

My dear husband and best friend for life

Mi Madre, who has loved me unconditionally since I was in her womb

Lacey Jean, my bosom buddy - though, I'm more bosom and she's more booty...maybe we should be 'bosom booties'?

Katy, my beautiful dear sister and one of my closest friends

Becky, my adopted sister in Christ and friend who tells it like it is (we're at a costume party in this pic)

Brooke, my lifelong friend since childhood - we shared Barbies and played chipmunk

...just to name a few.

I'm here...

I realized that when I am uber super busy and have soooo much on my mind, I have less to write about.  Even when I have the occasional moment to write something.  I sit and stare at the computer and try to filter through what sounds most interesting.  I procrastinate.  And, then I neglect to write on here, altogether.  I need to just sit down and pour out my thoughts...this is my journal, right?  I need to keep reminding myself that I don't have to have anything eloquent to say in order to post a blog.  Who cares anyway, right?

So, instead of focusing on one topic, I thought I'd just recap what's been going on over here...just to organize my thoughts, if anything.

Well, there was the Bachelorette party weekend for my sister in Lincoln City.  The Baby shower for my dear friend in Vancouver.  The pondering of ideas for a career move for my husband.  The stressful dealing with a recurring ear infection that turned into a rash pouring out of my ear....that revealed that I have frickin' candida after visiting the naturopath 2x and going to urgent care.  The stress over a new diet that I have to adopt and new recipes to find without sugar, dairy, wheat, and most fermented foods.....ugh.  Trying to remain faithful to my commitment to the season of Lent.  Working through some emotional stress in our marriage.  A very intense weekend of wedding festivities, from a Rehearsal dinner to venue setup to arranging floral bouquets to calming the bride to walking down the aisle and choking up over the fact that my dear sister finally found her Prince Charming in the most wonderful man, named Jeremy.  Visiting our best friends who have moved into a community house with another family in Portland, see here for their new blog.  

And, now...now, we have absolutely nothing on our plate for the next few weeks.  And, that feels great.  Because, now I need to focus on my family.  I need to focus more intently on my health.  This nasty rash on my ear (gross, weird, I KNOW!) still needs to clear up.  I need to figure out some appealing foods that I can eat that are safe while trying to wade through the ridiculously hard battle against candida (yeast overgrowth in your body, for those who are unfamiliar with it).  I have been diagnosed with candida before and I just despise it...I despise that it is supposedly sooo prevalent and sooo easy to fall prey to and sooo hard to kill.  I question the diagnosis at times...but I guess I have nothing else to go off of.  I suppose I should write a more complete post on what exactly this crazy thing called candida really is.

But, I realize that after listing the stresses of my pa

st few weeks I should close this with something positive.  Some things to be thankful for amidst the hardships.  So, here goes...

Today I am thankful for:

~ The time change, for now Vienne is sleeping in 'til 7:30 by the new clock and the rest of our days are working out much more smoothly.

~ On that note, she has also been a great sleeper lately and if you are a mother you know how crucial that is.

~ My new time in the Word that I have discovered each morning.

~ A loving and amazing husband who took complete care of our daughter while I hopped around fulfilling wedding duties all weekend 

long...who loves to help me in the kitchen...who vacuums on his own whim...who rises with Vienne in the morning to spend precious daddy/daughter time while I sleep...who counsels me in wisdom when I over-react with selfish emotion to outside circumstances...who sets an example of selflessness to me...

~ That my sister is happily married to a most amazing young man whom I am proud to call Brother.

~ That we can buy the foods we need to eat healthy.

~ And, I am always always thankful for this beautiful place we are privileged to live in and this most precious daughter I have been blessed with...check out that face!

Lent

So, I guess today is the start of the season of Lent.  To be quite honest, I have never really given much thought or care to this religious tradition and I don't really know why.  The more I've been reading up on it and considering it, I realize that it may just be something that I should attempt to put into practice this year.

For those of you not familiar with Lent, it is basically a 40 day long period of fasting and/or prayer before Easter, The Resurrection of our Lord.  The 40 days represent the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert, when He was tempted by Satan.  The practice of Lent is to prepare our hearts for celebrating Christ's resurrection.  This year, it starts today and ends on April 9th - my birthday!  How appropriate to choose to start a fast that will be culminated on the celebration of my birthday!  Well, I think so, at least! ha.

Ok, so I've really been pondering what I should choose to 'fast' from for the next 40 days. There is one thing I am addicted to that I know, full well, distracts me from spending any time with God.  What's that?  Oh man, you're looking at it!  The ding dang computer!  I have a severe addiction.  It started to grow exponentially as I've become a stay at home mom....I am desperate for contact with the outside world!!  "Somebody, please email me...talk to me....anything" - that's my inner plea each day.  But, I sadly had to ask myself:  Am I as desperate for contact with my Savior?  hhhmmmmm....for awhile I've kinda been avoiding this question cuz I know the answer!  I've let myself get into that 'rut' that we are all too familiar with, from time to time.  And, one thing that really detracts me from taking this question seriously is my addiction to the computer...the internet.  Ugh.  I sit down with my breakfast, look at my Bible, and then longingly look over at this damn thing and say to myself:  "ok, I'll just check the email very quickly, otherwise I know I won't be able to concentrate until my curiosity is satiated".  So, my quick check of the email turns into 30 minutes of aimlessly wandering around the internet...and then, whoops, Vienne wakes up. No time for Bible reading.  And, thus my cycle goes.  Pathetic, eh?  Yes.  Yes, I know it is. 

Now, I realize that I have to be realistic with how I choose to go about this.  I know that I cannot go 40 whole days without popping on here.  So, I have decided to choose a time of day that I typically am on here and refrain so that I may turn that time into devotion time. Breakfast time will be that time. 

So, yeah. I guess...well, since I spent most of my free time today writing this, that I will have to start tomorrow.  One day late.  Oh well.  At least I spent today thinking about it...that counts for something, right?  hehe.

If anyone who reads this (all 4 of you!) has chosen something for Lent as well, please share! Let's keep each other accountable!

New Tricks

They make me giggle.

Eat Your Vegetables!

I often get asked for easy tips on eating healthy.  One of my main focuses, for a healthy diet, has always been on vegetables.  You've always heard it from mom: "Eat those vegetables!"  An abundant array of colorful veggies should be our main source of vitamins...not synthetic bottled supplements, filling your body with fake junk that is barely absorbed.  If your vitamins are not made from whole foods, then they are synthetic vitamins, which your body isn't capable of fully absorbing (so, check your source of vitamins!).  Not only are you wasting money on those bottles but your are also wasting effort and energy that it takes for your body to try and process them.  (Read here for more info from one of many articles on this topic.)  Though, as a side note, if you feel that you are still lacking in your diet and need to take a multi-vitamin, I highly suggest a good whole food vitamin:  check out 'New Chapter' vitamins - it's the brand of prenatals that carried me through my pregnancy.  They are sold at most health food stores and at great discounts online.

If you are eating your vegetables, like our ancestors always did, then you won't have such a dire need for supplements...but, most importantly, your body will be enriched and healthier than ever before!  Have you ever asked yourself how our ancestors got their nourishment?  They never bought it in a bottle.  They got it straight from the right foods. 

So, when I first started my journey towards a healthier lifestyle, I knew that I needed to start incorporating a much more colorful array of produce than what I was eating before.  The more colors of veggies that you eat, the more nutrients and vitamins your body will be receiving.  I was instructed by my naturopath to try and eat 6-8 different colored veggies with each meal.  Phew!  I was overwhelmed by this idea!  The main thing that intimidated me was having to constantly prepare all of these vegetables.  I hated chopping veggies and rarely made a salad beyond torn lettuce and baby carrots.  But, then I learned the simplest piece of advice for staying on top of this crucial necessity for my body:

Buy 6-8 different types of vegetables, of varying colors.  For example, I typically try to buy what's in season, first of all, but a good basic assortment usually consists of:  carrots, celery, kale, red cabbage, broccoli, red or green peppers (if in season), zucchini, and maybe tomatoes (if in season). Darker greens have more vitamins in them.  Then chop a small portion (like a 1/4) of each vegetable and store them all together in a large container in the fridge.  Voila!  Now, you have this large mix of freshly chop vegetables always on hand to mix in with anything.  With this mix, you may toss a handful in with some lettuce or spinach leaves and have a salad.  You can saute it in with scrambled eggs (add some goat cheese and it makes for a fab-o breakfast!).  You may saute it up with some sausage or chicken for a quick lunch or dinner - get creative with the seasonings or sauces.  Or you can steam a handful of the mixed veggies....eat that with butter and S&P as a side with your main course or toss it with some pasta or rice or soup!  Once I established this easy discipline of making sure that I have a container full of freshly chopped veggies always on hand, it makes it sooo much easier to make sure that I am always eating a wonderfully balanced meal and that I am getting those nutrients that I need.  My biggest set back beforehand was just the prep of always chopping vegetables when I wanted a salad or something.  I'm lazy.  When I'm hungry, I want to eat now.  This wonderful habit helps to give me my food now and give it to me healthy.  I would say that my large container of chopped veggies lasts us about 3-4 days...so, that's only chopping like twice a week!  Not bad.  Anyone could handle that!

I personally believe that above all other ways of eating, this is one of the best and easiest ways to get started on the healthy track.  Don't get yourself overwhelmed by lacto-fermented drinks or eating low-fat or even with books like Nourishing Traditions if you are new to these ideas.  Don't get me wrong...I LOVE that book, but it is not always for the beginner.  Most people that I come across that say they wish to eat better are usually looking for an easy answer.  This is my easy answer.  And, I believe that once you start incorporating these veggies in with your meals, you will start decreasing the amount of other unhealthy things that you may have previously chosen or eaten with your main courses....ie:  packaged/processed foods, foods w/saturated fats...etc.  And, of course, I always have to recommend going organic...but, I do know that many people who wish to eat healthier or are new to all this are still not willing to pay for organic items.  So, if it comes down to that and you think you just can't afford organic or it's just not the priority for you yet....still buy all the veggies and know that you're doing so much better than before!  I will write my thoughts on sacrificing for the higher prices of organic foods some other time.

So, to go along with your new colorful salads, I thought I would include a new favorite salad dressing of mine.  I don't typically buy dressings - too much crap in them.  We usually just use EVOO and balsamic vinegar, but I came across this recipe and it has made my salads oooohhhh-sooo-yummy!

Honey Mustard Dill Dressing

3 TB EVOO

2 tsp. dried dill or 1 TB of fresh chopped dill

1 TB Sherry wine vinegar

2 tsp. Dijon mustard

1 tsp. honey

S&P to taste

Whisk altogether, and you have it!